he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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