I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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