tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he puts the penis in happiness.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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