I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
