you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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