The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
