I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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