Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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