Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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