Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
