i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
