Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
