He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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