We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need water and some morals
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
