billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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