I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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