I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
