when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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