Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
