You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
