So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
