just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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