More tranny stories later!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
