Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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