I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
