Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
