So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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