I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
