Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
