My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The air taste purple.
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