I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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