I seem to have left my pride at pride
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
