went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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