I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
