The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
