We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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