I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize