Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
