you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
