Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
