I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
