By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
