the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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