he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
