someone owes me an orgasm
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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