the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
