i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
