Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
