The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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