She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
