It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
