Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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