Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
