ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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