there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
