i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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