Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
