Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I want is dick and wine.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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